I Don't Always Trust Church People . . . And That's OK
Let's say that out loud together, I promise it will make you feel better - Ready? "I Don't Always Trust Church People . . . . . And That's OK.
You're not crazy. You're not bitter. You're not a heathen, and it doesn't make you rebellious or a bad Christian. You're human, and maybe, just maybe, your soul has experienced something sacred being handled the wrong way. Your soul, my friend, is probably paying more attention than you think. Because here's the truth: Church people can be beautiful, compassionate, generous and kind. But also very judgmental and cruel. Hypocritical at times, and loud with opinions.
You're not crazy. You're not bitter. You're not a heathen, and it doesn't make you rebellious or a bad Christian. You're human, and maybe, just maybe, your soul has experienced something sacred being handled the wrong way. Your soul, my friend, is probably paying more attention than you think. Because here's the truth: Church people can be beautiful, compassionate, generous and kind. But also very judgmental and cruel. Hypocritical at times, and loud with opinions.
Sometimes hurt from church people cuts deeper because it's not the way it's supposed to be.
The Church is supposed to be the place where the broken come to be healed - but for many of us, church has been a place where the broken get bruised even more. I lived that story growing up. Let me let you into a little bit of my spiritual journey.
I grew up in a church where rules were EVERYTHING! But not the kind of rules that help form character - but the kind of rules that made you feel like God was a micromanager just waiting for you to slip up so he can fire you.
I was told that I couldn't visit other churches unless they were the same denomination as mine. Why? Because the men over there faded their hair and grew beards. Apparently, that was an outward sign of spiritual decay. And let's not get started on the women from those churches. They wore pants, dyed their hair and wore make-up. That was enough to be labeled "worldly," and if you were caught associating with them, your loyalty to God was in question.
I recall one time I wore ripped jeans out in public. Ripped. Jeans. Somebody saw me, reported me, and my pastor called me in to tell me that I was "going astray" and "fell from grace." Bruh. I got sat down - just like that. No conversation. Just judgment disguised as "correction."
If the person that snitched on me is reading this and reaches out to me.......
I grew up in a church where rules were EVERYTHING! But not the kind of rules that help form character - but the kind of rules that made you feel like God was a micromanager just waiting for you to slip up so he can fire you.
I was told that I couldn't visit other churches unless they were the same denomination as mine. Why? Because the men over there faded their hair and grew beards. Apparently, that was an outward sign of spiritual decay. And let's not get started on the women from those churches. They wore pants, dyed their hair and wore make-up. That was enough to be labeled "worldly," and if you were caught associating with them, your loyalty to God was in question.
I recall one time I wore ripped jeans out in public. Ripped. Jeans. Somebody saw me, reported me, and my pastor called me in to tell me that I was "going astray" and "fell from grace." Bruh. I got sat down - just like that. No conversation. Just judgment disguised as "correction."
If the person that snitched on me is reading this and reaches out to me.......
"I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will . . . (Please tell me you know the reference. Haha)
Ultimately, the message I heard was clear: How you look is more important than how you love.
If you've ever walked away from church because of people, I honestly don't blame you. Some of the things that get done in the name of God have absolutely NOTHING to do with His heart.
Jesus had real love for people - but when it came to the Pharisees (the ultra-religious rule-keepers), He didn't hold back. He called them out for missing the point, for turning holiness into performance, for creating a culture of fear rather than one of freedom.
And maybe that's what's happened to you. You've experienced Religiosity but not Religion.
If you've ever walked away from church because of people, I honestly don't blame you. Some of the things that get done in the name of God have absolutely NOTHING to do with His heart.
Jesus had real love for people - but when it came to the Pharisees (the ultra-religious rule-keepers), He didn't hold back. He called them out for missing the point, for turning holiness into performance, for creating a culture of fear rather than one of freedom.
And maybe that's what's happened to you. You've experienced Religiosity but not Religion.
What's the Difference?
Religiosity is performance - driven, and often obsessed with outward appearance rather than inward transformation. When speaking about religiosity Jesus said in Matthew 15:8 "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me." If I could put it in a one liner; Religiosity is like a spiritual hustle culture, where you work hard to appear holy but end up empty inside.
Religion though, is about loving God and loving people in a way that reflects God's heart. It's not about proving yourself - It's about being who God created you to be, transformed by His love. James 1:27 puts it plainly: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Religion is rooted in love and justice. Marked by transformation and a real reflection of Jesus who was known for being with the broken, loving the outcasts, and offering grace.
Religiosity looks holy but lacks love.
Religion loves well and lets holiness flow from that love.
Religion though, is about loving God and loving people in a way that reflects God's heart. It's not about proving yourself - It's about being who God created you to be, transformed by His love. James 1:27 puts it plainly: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
Religion is rooted in love and justice. Marked by transformation and a real reflection of Jesus who was known for being with the broken, loving the outcasts, and offering grace.
Religiosity looks holy but lacks love.
Religion loves well and lets holiness flow from that love.
I want to make something clear though
It was not the Church that hurt you, It was the people in the church that hurt you. Often times when we say "I have Church hurt," what we mean is that "People who were supposed to represent Christ in the Church, misrepresented Him to me." There is great truth in that distinction. The Church, as God designed her to be was a place of healing, a place where people would be nurtured and cared for.
St. Cyprian of Carthage is famously known to have said "You can't have God as your Father, without the Church as your Mother." St. Cyprian, Bishop of Carthage lived during the 2nd century when Christianity was still being shaped, and the Church was under heavy Roman persecution. For these early Christians, the Church wasn't a building or an institution. She was a living, breathing family of God.
Just like a mother nourishes, teaches, and protects her children, The Church is meant to feed believers through scripture, community, worship and the Holy Sacraments.
But not all mothers are loving and kind. What happens when the mother fails? That's a valid question.
All in all, the early church leaders knew that the Church was made up of broken people, but they still believed in her divine calling because the Church is Jesus' body, not just a project that man invented. Cyprian and other fathers of the church weren't saying that we ought to endure in silence. He was saying that we can't grow in everything that God intended us to grow in, without being connected to the community He created to nurture us in.
St. Cyprian of Carthage is famously known to have said "You can't have God as your Father, without the Church as your Mother." St. Cyprian, Bishop of Carthage lived during the 2nd century when Christianity was still being shaped, and the Church was under heavy Roman persecution. For these early Christians, the Church wasn't a building or an institution. She was a living, breathing family of God.
Just like a mother nourishes, teaches, and protects her children, The Church is meant to feed believers through scripture, community, worship and the Holy Sacraments.
But not all mothers are loving and kind. What happens when the mother fails? That's a valid question.
All in all, the early church leaders knew that the Church was made up of broken people, but they still believed in her divine calling because the Church is Jesus' body, not just a project that man invented. Cyprian and other fathers of the church weren't saying that we ought to endure in silence. He was saying that we can't grow in everything that God intended us to grow in, without being connected to the community He created to nurture us in.
Even when people fail. The design remains sacred.
It wasn't the Church that gossiped about you. It was people in the Church.
It wasn't the Church that weaponized scripture and withheld grace. It was people in the Church.
It wasn't the Church that sat me down with no explanation and no grace for wearing the ripped jeans. It was people in the Church.
It was people in the Church that hurt.
It was people in the Church who misunderstood grace.
It was people in the Church who confused control with holiness.
Think of it this way - You were hurt in the Church, but not by the Church.
It wasn't the Church that weaponized scripture and withheld grace. It was people in the Church.
It wasn't the Church that sat me down with no explanation and no grace for wearing the ripped jeans. It was people in the Church.
It was people in the Church that hurt.
It was people in the Church who misunderstood grace.
It was people in the Church who confused control with holiness.
Think of it this way - You were hurt in the Church, but not by the Church.
If you're still reading - I'll assume that
You haven't completely given up. There might still be some curiosity, and maybe a flicker of hope left in you.
Don't ignore that flicker. . .That's a holy thing.
My advice? You don't have to pretend that everything is fine. You don't even have to rush back to church. Shoot, you don't even have to start trusting church people right away. But maybe, just maybe, you can start trusting Jesus again. My wife, Pastor K, preached this past Sunday on doubts that we might have of Jesus - You can watch that sermon here. One of her points was that Jesus isn't afraid of your doubts, and He's definitely not disappointed in your questions.
You are loved. You are valued. You are Welcomed.
Don't ignore that flicker. . .That's a holy thing.
My advice? You don't have to pretend that everything is fine. You don't even have to rush back to church. Shoot, you don't even have to start trusting church people right away. But maybe, just maybe, you can start trusting Jesus again. My wife, Pastor K, preached this past Sunday on doubts that we might have of Jesus - You can watch that sermon here. One of her points was that Jesus isn't afraid of your doubts, and He's definitely not disappointed in your questions.
You are loved. You are valued. You are Welcomed.
No Comments